so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
