Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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