I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
