when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
