i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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