Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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