I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
