PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
