i can't believe i had my finger in that
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
