I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
