Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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