All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
