I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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