i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
