so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
