the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
