she looked like the bat from fern gully.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
