I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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