yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
