6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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