I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
