Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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