D3 body, D1 cock
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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