You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
