I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
