Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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