fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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