I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
