In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
