i wish my penis had a tongue
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
