Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
