Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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