To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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