Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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