i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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