Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
