all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
