how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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