Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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