I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
