what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
