Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
