Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
