so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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