Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
