Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
