he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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