Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
