I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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