Have you finally orgasmed yet?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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